In my last post, I spoke of the sad, but sometimes necessary, topic of divorce. A question must immediately occur to us. If we have destined mates (zivvug) how is it possible for it NOT to work?
The Biblical story of the creation of Adam and Eve is greatly expanded upon in the Talmud, Midrash, and especially Kabbalah. The first people created were actually two bodies joined at their backs, facing away from each other. When Adam requested a helper and companion, she was, in fact, there all along...unseen. G-d caused a deep sleep to fall, and he fashioned Eve from Adam's "tzela""; usually translated "rib" but which has an alternate meaning of "side". He was given what was already his, but couldn't see, and of which he was completely unaware. (There is a great deal about this in the Zohar and the writings of the Holy Ari, using this image to explain the deeper symbolism of Rosh HaShannah; the New year). The Talmud informs us that forty days before conception, a Heavenly Voice rings out announcing whom this about-to-be child will marry; who is their other half. We live in the same world with our mates, perhaps even the same town, but we just don't see. Our backs are to each other, as it were. Then, one day, the two are made to face each other, and they know that this is the one!
But there can be situations where it is NOT the one, or we lose the one. The Talmud states that if one has found the right person, marry quickly "lest someone precede you with prayer".Another person may, with his or her prayers, draw our mates to themselves. But they will never be happy. The one who lost his or her mate this way may eventually marry someone else as well, but it will never be their "other half".
A very different approach to this question is suggested by Rabbi Nachman of Breslov. Our personalities, indeed, our souls, are not monolithic.The Ari (Shaar Hagilgulim) says that every person is made up of many souls. Just as white light contains all the colors of the rainbow, so do we posses a soul made up of many souls. We may even have souls of people who lived long ago, who came into us at birth to accomplish something as yet undone, or even during our lives, additional souls may join with ours in order to be "fixed" or to inspire us. Nevertheless, one soul with always be dominant. This is a basic concept in Ari. Rabbi Nachman said that each of these souls has a soul mate! As there are different degrees of "soul energy" within us from each soul, so the "zivvug" will be different. For example, if someone has a minute aspect of a particular soul, there will be a person "out there" who likewise has that minute spark, waiting to be joined. A neighbor, sitting at home with his wife, might make a remark "Hey, what do you think of introducing so and so to so and so?" The wife says "Oh, no! They aren't right for each other at all!" And that is the end of it. But actually, says Rabbi Nachman, that aspect has united with its "zivvug" on its appropriate plain. Nothing more can, or should be done. A person may have a somewhat larger "spark". The two actually meet, but nothing comes of it. That "zivvug": has been fulfilled! There will be cases of multiple meetings, engagement, even brief marriage. All these fulfill the sparks of souls. Then, one day, we meet, and hopefully marry, that special person who completes us.Our predominant spiritual selves are then fulfilled. The ultimate "zivvug" has been found. But the others were not for naught. Each one fulfilled part of us, paving the way to ultimate completion. Each "bad" experience did, nevertheless mean something positive, and brought us closer to ultimate good. Rabbi Nachman called this "the hidden ways of He who knows all". May we all find, and appreciate, the right one, who will assist us in finding joy, love, and ultimate spirituality.